I’m struggling, really struggling at the moment. It was my birthday during the week, it often difficult for me. It reminds me of time passing, the loss I’ve experienced and so much more. I have been sleeping too much, eating too much and I cannot seem to feel anything positive. The intrusive thoughts are getting…
Category: disability
More than Monday Morning Blues?
I’ve come to accept the Monday morning blues as something that is normal. I am though starting to think that there is something else behind why I find I am affected by them in such an extreme way. OK, so I know I don’t have ovaries, but this is me on a nightly basis. I…
2019 The Season of Change
This, for me, is a season of change. I’ve been wanting to start changing for so long now, but haven’t. I think about change a lot, often how I’m going to change, and how I’ll fuck it up and how its just easier not to bother. I’ve had a couple of days stuck at home….
HAPPY 2019
Happy new year folks! Another year has passed, another year has come. I wish for you that, with every year, you achieve all of your dreams. I will be trying (once again) to come to terms with being me, to improve my mental and physical health and I may even start to consider re-joining the…
Almost a week post surgery
It’s almost a week since I had surgery to remove the granuloma, and to remove a tooth. It was brutal, and at one point I had to be held down for the surgeon to get enough leverage to do part of the operation. I’m doing everything I can to forget that experience. The surgery went…
‘D’ day – part two. It’s not cancer, so why do I feel down?
It’s not cancer! The tumour (yes, it is a tumour) is benign and therefore not considered as a Cancer. It still needs removing and retesting, which is run of the mill. But, it’s not cancer, I should feel relieved. So why don’t I feel amazing I hadn’t figured on this outcome, I’d not prepared myself….
‘D’ Day
‘D‘ is for diagnosis. Today I will finally have confirmation that either I do, or don’t have Cancer. Up until 11:30 today I’ve been feeling OK. Now I’m starting to feel quite nervous. What makes today worse is that I have a 1hr bus journey to get to the Hospital, and another 1hr to get…
When people stick their nose in
I dont like Fridays. Tell me why? stick (one’s) nose in(to) (something) To involve oneself in an intrusive or nosy manner into something that is not one’s business or responsibility. stick nose into On Friday one of my colleagues decided that it was a good time to try and talk to me about my health…
Another appointment, and thinking about a decision
I’m off to another appointment this morning, for a tooth extraction and root canal. They are related to damage the granuloma caused. I had a decent nights sleep, but woke with some odd thoughts. I look at my life and, the loss, the depression, work etc., and can’t stop thinking that refusing any treatment might…
On a bus to destiny.
I’m sat on the bus to the hospital to get my results. Will the granuloma be cancerous? What’s occupying my mind right now is not the diagnosis but what happens after. Do I; Cry Get on with the next steps Go on a three day bender? Get angry Find God? Enact my revenge? Will it…
ơŋɛ ƈཞąʑყ ƈơơƙ 